The Gospel: Iran Claims Ancient Text Will Change World Politics

An ancient codex written on animal hide and discovered by anti-smuggler investigators in Turkey might possibly be the long-lost Gospel of Barnabas, experts say.

Iranian officials believe the text to be the authentic Gospel written by Barnabas, who was a disciple of Jesus. In an official statement from Iran's hard-line government, it is claimed that the document is genuine and that it will "cause the collapse of Christianity" throughout the world and realign global powers.

The text was discovered in 2000 after smugglers tried to take the ancient manuscript, believed to be from the the 5th Century, out of the Turkey. The codex has been housed at the Justice Palace in the Turkish capital of Ankara since being confiscated.

Iranian clerics claim that the text implies that Jesus was never crucified and that Jesus predicted Muhammad's coming. The codex, written in ancient Syriac, a dialect of Aramaic, also predicts the coming of the final Islamic Messiah, according to the Iranian report.

Although discovered in 2000, excitement over the text only began to grow in January of this year, after officials with the Holy See in the Vatican made an official request to the Turkish government to view the manuscript to verify its authenticity.

Critics claim the codex is being exploited by the Iranian government as propaganda in its war against Christianity.

Why You Little...Iran Bans Homer Simpson Doll

Iran continues its unabated saber rattling by eschewing all things Western, and the latest victim of their Anti-Everything/We Hate the World campaign is cartoon character Homer Simpson. 

Control-freak Iranian officials, determined to keep their country's fast-approaching date with the Apocalypse, decried on Monday that the paunchy, bald-headed Homer was no longer welcome in their nation, in another ludicrous attempt to totally eliminate all vestiges of Western culture from their tiny corner of the globe. Ironically, Homer does work at a nuclear power plant, with Iran frantically drying to develop as many nuclear weapons as possible in a last-ditch effort to bring about Armageddon by "wiping out Israel and destroying the Great Satan" (AKA the USA)  and secure their position as one of the members of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. (Be careful what you wish for...)

Homer shouldn't feel bad, as Iranian officials also banned the sale of Barbie dolls in the country. All toys in the strict and tightly-controlled Muslim nation must adhere to the following rules:

• No distinguishable genitals
• No adult toys
• No toys that speak or sing in the voices of Western singers
• No kitchen sets with glasses for drinking alcohol.

While Iranian officials occupied themselves with toy banning, President Obama issued complete sanctions against the Iranian Central Bank on Monday resulting from the country's determined quest to build nuclear weapons to use against Israel and other enemies (by enemies, we mean the entire population of Earth...)