The Thief of Hearts: 900-Year-Old Heart Taken from Dublin Cathedral

Thieves made off with a highly unusual item from a church in Dublin, Ireland: the 900-year-old preserved heart of a saint!

Members of the Christ Church Cathedral in Dublin said Sunday they're upset and more than a little confused over the theft of the church's famous religious relic: the preserved heart of St. Laurence O'Toole, patron saint of the city of Dublin.

 The heart of Saint O'Toole had been displayed in the cathedral since the 13th century. It was stored in a heart-shaped wooden box and secured in a small, square iron cage on the wall of a chapel dedicated to his memory within the cathedral. Sometime on Saturday, someone cut through two iron bars, pried the cage loose, and made off with the priceless relic.

"I am devastated that one of the treasured artifacts of the cathedral is stolen," said the Most Rev. Dermot Dunne, the cathedral's dean. "It has no economic value but it is a priceless treasure that links our present foundation with its founding father."

The  Garda Siochana, Ireland's national police force, are currently reviewing hours of closed circuit television footage taken outside and within the cathedral in the search for the body part thief. Authorities believe the culprit could have hidden inside the cathedral overnight and left with the heart when the church doors were opened early on Sunday morning for parishioners to attend morning Mass. Church services went on as scheduled after the robbery was discovered.


O'Toole was Dublin's archbishop from 1162 to 1180 and gained a reputation as a skillful and compassionate mediator between rival Gaelic and Norman factions then fighting for power in Ireland. He died at the age of 58 while traveling in Normandy on a peace mission. On his death bed he was said to have declined to make a will, claiming not to have a penny to his name. He was canonized as a Saint by Pope Honourius III in the year 1225.

Nothing Compares 2 Divorce: Sinéad O'Connor To End Marriage After Less Than Two Weeks

"You see...those teardrops in my video were for real..."

Feisty Irish singer Sinéad O'Connor has announced on her official website that her whirlwind marriage is over, after less than two weeks.


The always outrageous "Nothing Compares 2 U" singer married her fourth husband, youth counselor Barry Herridge, in a quickie service held at the famous Little White Chapel in Las Vegas, officiated by an Elvis impersonator. The blushing bride wore a floor length pink wedding gown and had her famous head shaved for the nuptials, which were held on her 45th birthday. 

The singer said on her web site that she knew the marriage was a mistake after only three hours, when the family of the groom expressed their deep concerns over his relationship with the volatile singer. O'Connor gained worldwide attention for her infamous tirades and outlandish behavior, including tearing up a photograph of Pope John Paul on live television and reciting the phrase "Fight the real enemy" and refusing to allow the US national anthem to be sung before her concerts. Sinéad also admitted that her new husband may have been put off by a late-night search for some ganja to purchase on the dangerous streets of Sin City, as O'Connor doesn't drink alcohol but wanted a more-mellow, drug induced honeymoon experience!


The singer incited concern earlier in the year by posting what seemed like a suicide threat on her twitter feed, which she later erased and assured her thousands of followers that she was not contemplating harming herself. The marriage is O'Connor's fourth, and so far her shortest. She is the mother of four children. 

How Effin' Ridiculous! Facebook Bans Irish Town with "Offensive" Name

"It's still a long way to effin' Tipperary, Seamus..."

A woman's attempt to have her Irish hometown listed on her Facebook page has been denied, as the town's name is recognized as being "offensive"!

Ann Marie Kennedy was unable to list her hometown of Effin, Ireland, on her profile page because the website's profanity filters recognized the word as a slang substitute for a much filthier word. (Imagine little Peter Billingsley as Ralphie saying "Ooooh, Fuuuuudddgggeee!" in A Christmas Story).

Ms. Kennedy then attempted to start up a Facebook group page titled "Please Get My Hometown of Effin Recognized", but it was also rejected with an error message marked "offensive". Ms. Kennedy is rightfully proud of her beautiful, tiny Irish hamlet located in famed County Cork, saying, "It will recognize Limerick but I'm not from Limerick city, I'm from Effin. I'm a proud Effin woman. And I always will be an Effin woman."

Kennedy has launched a new campaign to have her hometown added. A spokesperson from the social media site confirms the oversight is being investigated, so hopefully there will be an effin' solution to the effin' problem, effin' soon...