American Businesses Planning for Catastrophic Greek Exit from Euro

American big business is making contingency plans in case Greece leaves the Euro Zone, it has been revealed.

Bank of America and Merrill Lynch all have plans in place to get money to their employees living and working in the Mediterranean nation should the banks close suddenly, leaving American citizens stranded and without a way to access money. Merrill Lynch has plans in place to send armored trucks to go door to door with Greece's old monetary unit the drachma in the event that the country reverts back to using it in favor of the Euro.

Many experts believe that Greece—which has been teetering on the brink of complete financial collapse for the past several years—will exit the Euro monetary system as early as this Friday. The New York Times is reporting that many experts anticipate an announcement after the American markets have closed for the day on Friday, in order to prevent financial chaos from spreading around the world.

An announcement on Friday would mean that banks would have to be closed through early next week as government officials scramble to print enough of the "new" currency for its panicked citizens to use. This would undoubtedly create bank "runs", as people rush to exchange their Euros into the new currency.

American automobile manufacturer Ford Motors is so confident that the switch will take place their computers have already been programed to accept the drachma for the Euro in financial transactions. Credit card companies Visa and Mastercard have both stated officially they have back-up plans and protocols in place so that they will be prepared if other countries also decide to leave the Euro currency. 

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Far Left Meets Far Right On Live TV: Fight Ensues

A spokesperson for Greece's Far Right Golden Dawn political party is wanted for assault, after attacking a female member of the country's Far Left as well as another woman from the Communist party. And the entire melee was caught on live television.

Righter Ilias Kasidiaris, who was once a member of Greece's special forces, became enraged while discussing the nation's current political and economic turmoil as well as the upcoming election on a live television talk show. (He might have also been angry that the subject of his alleged involvement in an armed robbery some years ago was brought up in the interview.)  He then proceeded to toss a glass of water at radical left Syriza party member Rena Dourou, calling her a "joke".

This brought Communist party member Liana Kanelli into the fray, as she threw a newspaper at Kasidiaris. He responded by shoving her harshly and then punching Kanelli repeatedly in the face, before fleeing the studio. Kasidiaris, who is also a member of the Greek Parliament, is now being sought by authorities for attempting to inflict dangerous bodily harm, which carries a sentence of up to 10 years in jail. The sentence can be reduced to a hefty fine in certain cases.

In the News: Greek Protestors Pelt News Anchor with Eggs & Yogurt on Live TV

Protestors in Greece rushed a television station in Athens, pelting a news anchor with eggs and yogurt, all on live television!

The Mediterranean country has been caught up in nationwide, often violent protests for over a year, as Greece battles with a soaring debt crisis that threatens the stability of the Euro Zone and the world economy. Tough austerity measures have created massive civil unrest, with protestors and rioters clashing with police and military on almost a daily basis.

The crisis hit a low-point last week after a 77-year-old Greek pensioner committed suicide outside of the Greek Parliament building, leaving a note behind stating he would rather die than to scavenge for food in the streets like a peasant. The suicide re-ignited the flames of protest against the government.

Protestors apparently gained entry into a television studio where news anchor Panagiotis Bourchas was conducted a live on-air interview. The interview grinds to a sudden halt when a woman off-camera can be heard shouting. Suddenly, a volley of eggs and yogurt can be seen flying through the air, making a direct hit on Bourchas, as his guest dashes off-stage, unscathed. The news anchor is pelted with more food, as his attackers chant anti-fascist slogans. After the protestors run out of things to throw, Bourchas quietly removes his ear piece, picks up his yogurt-splattered laptop and trudges off-camera, as the station puts up a title card on-screen.


It is believed the attack was motivated after Bourchas hosted a show featuring a spokesman from the neo-Nazi political organization Golden Dawn.

Sprockets: Skinny, Old, Ugly, Grey-Haired Designer Karl Lagerfeld Calls Adele "Fat"

"I'm perfectly perfect in my perfection, Ja?"

Old, scrawny, ugly and grey-haired fashion designer Karl Lagerfeld, famous for running off at the mouth, has let it rip once again, calling singing superstar Adele "fat" and Russian men "ugly".

The 2000 78-year-old designer has always been known for his petulant and often controversial outbursts and was his usual demon-possessed self in an interview for European paper The Metro. In the interview, he gives Rolling in the Deep songbird Adele a back-handed compliment by saying, ""The thing at the moment is Adele. She is a little too fat, but she has a beautiful face and a divine voice."

He also insists that US president Barack Obama only occupies the White House because of his wife, Michelle. "My favorite thing about Mrs Obama was when she was asked if her skirt was not too tight and she answered, 'Why, you don't like my big black ass?'"

He insulted millions of Russian men by proclaiming "If I was a woman in Russia I would be a lesbian, as the men are very ugly." He also went on to say that both Greeks and Italians have "really disgusting habits" when quizzed about his thoughts concerning the current European economic crisis.

In a touch of irony possibly lost on the fashionista,  the  pony-tail wearing and fan-carrying Lagerfeld was once a bit of a porker himself, and lost a considerable amount of weight after going on an extreme "diet" (aka gastric bypass surgery) in 2001.