Canada's new monetary bills are melting, and it has nothing to do with the horrifying global economy!
Canadian mints switched to allegedly "indestructible" polymer $50 and $100 bills a few months ago, but as it turns out, the new bills begin curdling in the heat, like bacon in a frying pan, witnesses are saying. The bills were supposed to have been tested from -40 degrees to 280 degrees Fahrenheit, but Canadian citizens are saying that the bills begin to melt away if they are simply left inside of a car on a warm day!
A man in Halifax reported that his bills melted into "the shape of a Coke bottle" after he left his wallet on a still-hot toaster oven. "So you can't rip them, you can’t tear them, you can’t wreck them by washing them but apparently you can heat them and melt them," commented one particular droll Canadian banking industry insider.
The Bank of Canada has defended the new issue bills, stating that while no bill is completely indestructible, the new bills are the "most durable ever produced" by the Canadian government. People holding damaged bills will be able to receive replacement notes—after they are examined by a laboratory in the capital of Ottawa.