Saturday, December 31, 2011

#HappyNewYear! Twitter Crashes from Happy New Year Wishes



A barrage of Happy New Year well-wishes caused the social media website Twitter to crash in the UK and other parts of the world!

The popular site went down in parts of the UK at 3:00 PM local time, which coincided with midnight in Japan, where an incredible 16,000 tweets a second were recorded! The record amount of exchanges overloaded the site's servers, causing twitter to crash. Users were unable to make new posts to their twitter feeds or read other's posts, as they were greeted with the dreaded "twitter is currently overcapacity" error message!

The site was able to return to normal operations...for a short amount of time, as each hour marked the New Year in another part of the world, with millions of users sending out more New Year's greetings to friends, family and subscribers, creating more slow downs and error messages.

Users should anticipate more downtime for the site, as there are still many more locations that have yet to hit the midnight mark to ring in the New Year, including New York, Chicago, and Los Angeles.

The One That Got Away: Russell Brand Files for Divorce from Katy Perry



It seems that actor Russell Brand will be "The One That Got Away" from pop music princess Katy Perry after his lawyers filed a petition for divorce in Los Angeles on Friday.

"Sadly, Katy and I are ending our marriage," Brand said in a official statement. "I’ll always adore her and I know we’ll remain friends.”

The news comes after weeks of tabloid and online speculation that the couple were estranged, particularly after the two opted to spend the Christmas holiday apart...on separate continents. Hollywood gossip site TMZ claims that Perry did not want to be the one to file for divorce, as it goes against her religious beliefs. Perry's father Keith Hudson is a pastor with his church. Both of Perry's parents publicly gave their approval of Brand after his whirlwind courtship and marriage to their daughter in 2010. Brand has admitted to battling his own demons with drug and alcohol dependencies in his past as well as being a recovering sex addict.

Brand, 36, is currently in his native England while Perry remains in Hawaii, where she has been vacationing. The separation comes only a few weeks after Brand made an appearance on the Ellen Degeneres Show, where he proclaimed his eternal love and devotion to the "I Kissed a Girl" chanteuse.  "I'm really happily married ... I’m married to Katy. Perpetually, until death do us part was the pledge," he told the talk show queen. "I’m still alive."



Friday, December 30, 2011

(Auto) Correct Behavior: When Mobile Phone Predictive Text Errors Attack

Photos Courtesy of The Daily Mail

As the wonders of technology advance seemingly every single day, we can sometimes be left exasperated by how new devices can out-think humans!

Case in point: The technology behind predictive text for mobile phone users has become so advanced it is resulting in some embarrassing miscommunications, leaving users more than a little red-faced and sometimes even breaking up relationships unintentionally!


Check out the above text where "Jenni" is trying to ask her significant other to spend more time "At Pat's" (a good friend or maybe a neighborhood tavern?). However, her mobile phone's predictive text app decided that she was trying to ask for some "time apart", which prompts a furious reply from her significant other! (Any bets on this couple remaining together?)




In another hilarious example, one user is trying to explain why she will be avoiding her friend with a sick son, because she is a hermaphrodite germophobe! She goes on to explain that she isn't really a hermaphrodite, just a girl with predictive text auto-correct!

Another user was horrified when the predictive text changed her question to a friend "Do you need any bleach at the store" to "Do you need anal bleach?" while another user's request for some Honey Bunches of Oats cereal became "Hindu Bunches of Oats".

You can view more definitely not suitable for work hilarious and embarrassing auto-correct blunders at the website Damn You Auto Correct!!!





Thursday, December 29, 2011

OMG: Norwegian Newscast Uses Eye Chart Displaying Cyber-Slang

"This is the segment where we tell our viewers calling in to STFU!"

Television presenters for the Norwegian news magazine program Dagsrevyen were left with some 'splainin' to do when an eye chart used as a visual aid regarding a story on aging pensioners was laced with mildly profane cyber-slang!

The segment featured two presenters flanking the blown-up graphic, which was clearly marked with abbreviated Internet acronyms such as OMG (Oh My God), WTF (What the F@#&!), STFU (Shut the F@#& Up!) and PWN3D (cyber-slang for P-Owned, which obviously the newsroom editors have been). The amusing televised moment has become a viral sensation throughout the Scandinavian nation as well as the rest of the world!

Regarding the sneaky text-speak debacle, newsroom editor Solveig Tvedt conceded that she and her team "hadn't properly examined the chart before going to air." She went on to explain, "We retrieved the picture from one of our image agencies and took it without taking a closer look. If we'd seen what it said we wouldn't have used it." Not taking the scrutiny too seriously, she humorously added, "I think it's good that people are following [the show] so closely." 


Maybe you need to check out one of those eye-charts at the optometrists' clinic, Solveig...



Here Comes the Sun: Massive Solar Storm Could Knock Out Radio & Satellite Communications NASA Warns


A massive solar storm has unleashed a huge Coronal Mass Ejection, which experts warn will begin hitting the Earth starting today and will continue over the next three days. Areas with clear skies in more northern latitudes should be able to witness some spectacular displays of auroras, also called the Northern Lights.

The intense solar flares that will be hitting the earth will possibly create radio and satellite signal black-outs over the next several days caused by the intense radiation being ejected from the sun. Telephone and Internet services will also be subject to spotty outages. Rolling electrical black-outs are also a high possibility.

The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration’s Space Weather Prediction Center wrote on their website: "Category G1 (Minor) geomagnetic storms are expected 28 and 29 December due to multiple coronal mass ejection arrivals. R1 (Minor) radio blackouts are expected until 31 December."


The news comes as NASA has warned the United States government to prepare for more possible disruptions due to increasingly stronger solar activity. The 11-year solar cycle was anticipated to change over into a Solar Maximum event in 2012 (there's that year again), but activity from the sun began to increase unexpectedly earlier this year.


Only last month one of the largest storms the sun can produce was detected by satellites that constantly observe our celestial star. Known as an X1.9 flare, it was one of the biggest produced in years. The flare was so powerful that it disrupted communications systems here on earth a short time later. Another massive X-class flare was emitted from the sun in August, but the flare was not directed toward the earth and caused no communication disruptions. 

In 1989, an intense coronal mass ejection from the sun was responsible for leaving over six million people in Quebec, Canada, without electricity when the intense storm knocked essential power grids offline.




Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Nothing Compares 2 Divorce: Sinéad O'Connor To End Marriage After Less Than Two Weeks

"You see...those teardrops in my video were for real..."

Feisty Irish singer Sinéad O'Connor has announced on her official website that her whirlwind marriage is over, after less than two weeks.


The always outrageous "Nothing Compares 2 U" singer married her fourth husband, youth counselor Barry Herridge, in a quickie service held at the famous Little White Chapel in Las Vegas, officiated by an Elvis impersonator. The blushing bride wore a floor length pink wedding gown and had her famous head shaved for the nuptials, which were held on her 45th birthday. 

The singer said on her web site that she knew the marriage was a mistake after only three hours, when the family of the groom expressed their deep concerns over his relationship with the volatile singer. O'Connor gained worldwide attention for her infamous tirades and outlandish behavior, including tearing up a photograph of Pope John Paul on live television and reciting the phrase "Fight the real enemy" and refusing to allow the US national anthem to be sung before her concerts. Sinéad also admitted that her new husband may have been put off by a late-night search for some ganja to purchase on the dangerous streets of Sin City, as O'Connor doesn't drink alcohol but wanted a more-mellow, drug induced honeymoon experience!


The singer incited concern earlier in the year by posting what seemed like a suicide threat on her twitter feed, which she later erased and assured her thousands of followers that she was not contemplating harming herself. The marriage is O'Connor's fourth, and so far her shortest. She is the mother of four children. 



Escalator to Heaven: Colombian Shanty Town Gets $7 Million Escalator System


Residents of a shanty town built atop a large group of hills in Medillin, Colombia, now have their own stairway to heaven after a $7 million series of low-tech escalators were constructed to help residents get to and from their homes.

For generations, residents of Medillin's drug and violence infested Comuna 13 barrio have had to climb up and down the neighborhood's steep and serpentine series of hills to get to where they needed to go. Climbing to the top of the hill is the equivalent to climbing up a twenty-eight floor skyscraper! In an effort to make life easier for the long-suffering residents, the local government invested the large sum of money in one of the poorest parts of the city in an effort to revitalize the area.

The escalator measures 1260 feet in length and is divided into six convenient sections so people living on all parts of the hillside will have easy access to it. The project has been extremely popular with the locals, in particular the elderly and those with physical limitations. 

The city's mayor said that governmental officials from Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, would be visiting the site of the escalator to see if a similar project would work for Rio's sprawling favelas (slums) where a majority of the city's population resides.


Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Hey, Asphalt! News Reporter Has Embarrassing Slip of the Tongue




It's probably the more novice reporter who draws the short straw that always gets sent out to do the mundane report of the first snowfall  of the season during the local news telecast.

Let's face it, the more seasoned reporter is not about to put on their goulashes and trudge out to the off-ramp to the interstate outside of Dogpatch to tell everyone that there is a light dusting of snow, a fact they could figure out themselves by simply opening up the door and sticking their necks outside.

So we really feel for this intrepid reporter, who is doing everything right and completely by the books during his run-of-the-mill report about the mild nuisance of a snow shower, until the end, where he confuses the word asphalt with another "A" word...


Revenge of the Football Widow: Ex-Girlfriend Shames Former BF on National TV

"I'm here and you're not. Oh, you're a lousy lay, by the way..."
A woman exacted a very public revenge on her cheating ex-boyfriend by proudly waving a banner proclaiming his infidelity for the entire world to see during a live football game telecast!

NBC cameramen picked up on the perky brunette in the stands with the over-sized poster telling her unfaithful ex that while he was sitting at home on his couch drinking beer all alone watching the game, she was in the middle of all the incredible action at the Packer's historic Lambeau Field in Green Bay, Wisconsin, having a super-Cheese Head good time, doncha 'kno? And she didn't need a guy around to have all the fun! Her taunting placard read "My cheating EX boyfriend is watching from couch instead".

The woman, identified as Annie Walker, was nice enough not to mention her straying ex's name for all the world to see (she must have felt some leftover residual compassion from Christmas), but her intent to shame him was without a doubt a touchdown pass with only seconds to go on the clock!





Monday, December 26, 2011

2011: Year of the Disaster, The Revolution, & The Big Change


According to the Chinese calendar,  2011 was the Year of the Rabbit. The statistics, however, paint a portrait far more sinister and disturbing than any cute and innocent-looking rabbit with a crinkly, wet nose and fluffy bunny tail.

The year will go down in the record books as the Year of the Unprecedented Disaster, with seemingly one horrific natural disaster happening at least once a week...or more often. There was record-breaking snowfalls and massive flooding. Several horrifying tornado outbreaks hit across the South in the Spring of this year that possessed never-before seen power and strength. In fact, twelve separate disasters during the year caused over $1 billion in damages, a highly disturbing record that appears as if it might be broken by the coming year....2012...

A beyond-horrifying earthquake and tsunami devastated a large portion of Japan, killing tens of thousands and leaving trillions of dollars in damages, making it the costliest disaster in history, for the time being. The tsunami waves washed over the Fukushima nuclear power plant, causing the world's first ever "China Syndrome" melt-down event, with very little mention in the news of the devastating consequences to Japan and the rest of the world. It is now all but forgotten, except for the people suffering in its radioactive wake in Japan.

Floods inundated North Dakota, decimating entire cities such as Minot. Two nuclear power plants in Nebraska were completely submerged beneath the deluge, for the first time in US history. The mighty Mississippi River experienced a "One in a Thousand Years" mega-flood that overcame dams and levees and caused billions of dollars in damages. A bizarre 5.8 earthquake rattled the entire Eastern Seaboard of the United States, felt from Virginia to Maine, causing over $100 million in damages and frazzling the nerves of over a hundred million people. A mere few days later, the same part of the country was dealing with powerful and potentially deadly Hurricane Irene, which dumped incredible amounts of water in a very short period of time.

The Southwest of the United States withered under an unprecedented drought and heat wave, that killed billions of dollars in essential crops and cattle. Wildfires fanned by the drought scorched hundreds of millions of acres of land and threatened the famed Los Alamos Nuclear plant and storage facility.

Two separate tornado outbreaks devastated a wide swathe of the US. A record breaking number of tornadoes tore across the South, obliterating entire towns. Tuscaloosa, Alabama, was devastated by a once extremely rare F5 tornado. Joplin, Missouri, was completely leveled by another F5. The St. Louis airport was hit by a menacing tornado straight out of  Roland Emmerich's films The Day After Tomorrow and 2012, causing tens of millions of dollars in damages.

Australia was hit by the most powerful cyclone of all time, Cyclone Yasi. A post-Category 5 storm, it unleashed a never-before-seen fury on the Australian coast, an area already devastated by the worst flooding in history, as complete cities were washed away by the swift flood waters, causing billions of dollars in damages. Certain areas of the country saw years worth of rain in a matter of days.


Elsewhere, volcanoes caused fear and devastation, from Chile to Indonesia, from Ecuador and Guatemala, from the Spanish Canary Islands to the Kamchatka Peninsula of Russia and Iceland, earthquake swarms and volcanic eruptions seemed to be taking place somewhere on the planet every single day. Ash clouds from a volcano erupting in Chile halted airplane travel to Australia and New Zealand for several weeks, creating travel chaos and millions of dollars in loses. Volcanoes that have not erupted for hundreds of thousands of years erupted in places such as Eritrea.


The city of Christchurch, New Zealand,  was left in ruins after a 6.3 quake shook the city in February that killed almost two hundred people. This was only a few months after another earthquake rocked the town and terrorized the populace. Since February, hundreds of earthquakes have struck the once peaceful and tranquil town, traumatizing the local population and creating a mass Exodus of tens of thousands of citizens, who have chosen to leave the beautiful area of the country to start a new life elsewhere for fear their lives in Christchurch will never be normal again. Only this past week, the city was rocked by two more strong earthquakes, putting the population further on edge.

A extremely rare earthquake destroyed the beautiful city of Lorca, Spain, and another deadly quake hit Turkey, killing thousands of people. Thailand was inundated by never-before-seen flooding, with millions of acres of land remaining under water, months after the floods began. Tornadoes hit areas where they have never been witnessed before or are very rare, including central Mexico, New Zealand, Portugal and Peru. Europe was tossed into the deep freeze last winter, with bone jarring temperatures and record breaking snowfalls. Satellite images from space showed the entirety of the UK and Ireland blanketed by snow for the first time in recorded history.

A powerful tropical typhoon hit the Philippines only days before Christmas, unleashing a torrent of flood waters that have swept away entire villages and towns. The disaster has claimed over 1200 lives so far, with thousands more still missing, as the country mourns its dead and tries desperately to repair the damages to important infrastructure. 

Where there weren't disasters, there was revolution, war, famine, pestilence, civil unrest and violence. A revolution began in earnest in Egypt, with tens of millions of Egyptians taking to the streets, demanding that President Hosni Mubarak be removed from the office. The Arab Spring revolution quickly spread throughout the entire region, from Libya, Bahrain, Syria and beyond. Protests have become common-place throughout the world, as people gather strength and determination in numbers to force change. London and the rest of the United Kingdom witnessed a week's worth of shocking rioting and street violence that rivaled any in the nation's history. The Horn of Africa saw the worst famine in decades, with hundreds of thousands dying from malnutrition and starvation, with millions more in dire peril.

The Occupy Wall Street movement began in earnest as well in October, with thousands of people deciding to take a stand against the nightmarish greed and deadly avarice that has gripped the entire planet, creating the harsh injustices and incredible violence sweeping the world. The economic crisis hit its dizzying nadir in 2011, as Europe withered on the vine in a tangled credit crunch, as countries such as Italy, Greece and Spain saw their credit ratings downgraded and nearly defaulting on their national debts. The future of the Euro continues to hang in the balance, a massive threat to the US and the world's economies.

Elsewhere, people's behavior has rocketed off the charts, with bizarre attacks, psychotic episodes, rants, hideous abuse, killings, rapes and shocking violence parading across our television and computer screens, begging the question, Has the entire world gone completely mad? 

As the clock counts down to the end of 2011, thoughts go out to the upcoming new year, the most talked-about and discussed year of all time...2012. Spend any amount of time watching the History Channel and you will have without a doubt heard those drumbeats counting down the hours, as the unbelievable yet wholly undeniable changes we are currently witnessing are but a small preview of what is to come...

"The drumbeats...they are quickening..."





Look Out Below: Man Survives Satellite Piece Crashing Into Home



A Russian man had a Christmas miracle after he survived a piece of rogue satellite crashing into his home, missing him by a mere few feet!

The incident happened after a Meridian satellite that was being launched into space exploded when the Soyuz-2 rocket carrying it ignited into a fiery ball of doom a few minutes after being launched from Lesetsk Cosmodrome—a Russian spaceport, located 500 miles north of Moscow.

The explosion sent several pieces flying high into the atmosphere over Siberia, near the city of Tobolsk and as far as 62 miles from the city of Novosibirsk. A twelve-pound titanium ball was catapulted kilometers from where the explosion took place, crashing through the roof of Andrei Krivorukov, landing exactly where the man had been just a few seconds before impact, after he decided to go outside to collect more firewood to stave off the cold, Siberian winter temperatures.

Krivorukov is happy to be alive and is equally happy that volunteers have offered to help him repair the damage done to his roof and home.


Sunday, December 25, 2011

Do We Know It's Christmas? Pope Benedict Decries Commercialization of Christmas During Mass


The celebration of Christmas commenced last night at the Vatican in Rome, where Pope Benedict XV delivered his yearly holiday address from St. Peter's Cathedral in the Eternal City. Within the pontiff's blessings and hopes for the New Year came condemnation of the continued commercialization of Christmas and the spread of intense greed and avarice that has afflicted the population of the planet, creating a nightmarish global economic meltdown, violence in the streets and social unrest the likes the world has not witnessed in recent memory. 


 "Let us ask the Lord to help us see through the superficial glitter of this season, and to discover behind it the child in the stable in Bethlehem, so as to find true joy and true light,' the 84-year-old pontiff said to the massive crowd that gathered to hear his speech. On Thursday, Pope Benedict said that he believed the current economic plight facing Europe and much of the world was largely "based on the ethical crisis looming over the Old Continent."

The Mass had been moved up from its traditional midnight to 10 o'clock PM so that the Pope would be rested to deliver a second mass on Christmas Morning. The Christmas Morning speech traditionally deals with the current problems facing the world. It is expected that the Pope will address the current economic crisis as well as the Arab Spring and Occupy Wall Street movements taking place across the globe.





Saturday, December 24, 2011

Baby Blue Flag: Singer Dido Gives Birth to Son



UK singer Dido has revealed she (quietly) gave birth to a son...this past July!

The beautiful "White Flag" songstress, who turns 40-years-old tomorrow on Christmas Day, has a son with her husband, writer Rohan Gavin. The super-secretive couple are believe to have married last year and live in relative anonymity in a quiet neighborhood in North London.

In an ironic twist of fate, the name of Dido's son has been revealed as Stanley, which is the name of her signature hit duet with rap superstar Eminem. The highly controversial song about a deranged fan named Stanley who is so obsessed with the rapper that he commits murder and mayhem, topped the charts in 2000 and featured a violent video starring Final Destination actor Devon Sawa as the mentally disturbed young man.

Dido, whose real full name is Dido Florian Cloud de Bounevialle O’Malley Armstrong, went on to win Grammy awards for her multimillion copy selling album Life for Rent and was nominated for an Academy Award for the song "If I Rise" from that album. 




Triple Hot Dog Dare: A Christmas Story As Presented By Sausages

"Stuck! Stuck! Stuck!!!"

It simply isn't the holiday season without watching the classic Yuletide tale of faith, hope and redemption, A Christmas Story. This timeless tale about a young boy's quest to have his fondest wish for Christmas fulfilled has become one of the most popular films of all time. Watching little Ralphie (Peter Billingsley) plot and scheme to get a Red Ryder 200 Shot Carbine Action Air Rifle under the Christmas tree is as endearing as watching Jimmy Stewart's George Bailey discovering his own self-worth in the equally classic It's a Wonderful Life.

Now, you can enjoy one of A Christmas Story's most classic scenes, played out by festive frankfurters! (Bet you didn't see that one coming...) Yes, that memorable and hilarious scene with Ralphie's bestie Flick unknowingly having his tongue frozen to the school's flagpole can now be appreciated in an incredible new way you simply never imagined. It gives new meaning to the phrase "I triple (hot) dog dare you!"

Enjoy and Merry Christmas, one and all...



 

Friday, December 23, 2011

D'Oh: Scottish Couple Unearth 800-Year-Old Stone Carving...of Homer Simpson

 

Rosalind and Donald McIntyre of Fife, Scotland, found an amazing object while pottering around in their garden earlier this year: an 800-year-old stone head carving with more than a passing resemblance to cartoon character Homer Simpson!

Startled and more than a little curious about the intriguing discovery, Mrs. McIntyre took the object to the St. Andrew's Museum so the staff and curators could give their opinion of what it might be.  They held a meeting last week to try to shed more light on the discovery, but at the moment they remain 'completely baffled' as to the exact nature of the carving.

Mrs McIntyre believes it could be a gargoyle head from a former church in the area built in the 1200s. "We have had a lot of people saying how much it looks like Homer - it’s quite funny really. I think it is the shape of his head,"she says. "We looked all over the Internet looking for it. The most similar thing that we could find was a type of gargoyle that we saw in Peru, but we are a long way from Peru, so I have no idea what it could be."


Of course, looking like Homer Simpson is bound to exact a heavy burden on the person whom the statue was modeled upon all of those years ago. "There is no other word to describe it other than ugly, but we have become quite attached to it. He sits on the kitchen window now, and when we have people over they always comment on it," she reveals.

I wonder if somewhere in that garden, there isn't another statue head of a female, with an amazing, five-foot tall blue-rinse beehive hairdo and a string of pearls...

Series of Powerful Earthquakes Rock New Zealand...Again...




A powerful series of earthquakes struck Christchurch, New Zealand, today, swaying buildings and knocking out electricity and other essential utilities, further traumatizing the populace of a city already devastated by a catastrophic series of earthquakes over the past year.

A 5.8 temblor struck during the lunch hour, close to the same time a terrifying 6.3 quake hit in February, which caused billions of dollars in damages to the city and claimed almost two hundred lives. The February quake destroyed Christchurch's famed cathedral and leveled the entire business district. Today's earthquake hit as Christmas shoppers and workers filled the city center for lunch, sending panicked citizens out into the streets, fearing buildings and homes would collapse.

Roads and pavement cracked open and sand geysers gushed up from the porous ground on which most of the city lies. A Qantas flight bound for Christchurch from Australia was diverted and other airlines sent planes to nearby Wellington and Auckland airports for safety reasons.  

A second 5.8 quake hit approximately an hour after the first. Since February's quake, the city has seen a mass Exodus of citizens, with thousands of people abandoning their beyond-repair homes and moving to other areas of the country to start their lives anew. 





Thursday, December 22, 2011

Polar Bear Express: Adorable Polar Bear Cub Siku Makes Cute Easy


An adorable orphaned polar bear cub has charmed the staff at the Scandinavian Wildlife Park in Denmark.

Little Siku is currently being hand-raised by three zookeepers at the park after his mother was unable to produce enough milk to feed him. He is under twenty-four hour care and the seven pound cub is already drawing comparisons to the popular polar cub Knut from the Berlin Zoo, who tragically died last year after drowning in his pool after suffering from encephalitis.

Of course, little Siku, which means 'ice' in the Greenland native language Iñupiaq, will quickly grow into a much larger, highly dangerous killing machine. But, for now, he's cute, adorable and looks perfectly helpless and harmless falling fast asleep while having his milky-white tum-tum rubbed. You can be charmed by baby Siku in the video below:


Volcano in Red Sea off Coast of Yemen Erupts

© NASA - MODIS Rapid Response System
A volcanic island located in the Red Sea off the coast of Yemen has erupted, continuing a disturbing trend of high volcanic activity throughout the region...and the entire world.

Fishermen from Salif, Yemen, witnessed the eruption near Saba Island, in the Az Zubair archipelago, the Yemen Observer newspaper reported on Wednesday. The report described lava spouting 20 to 30 meters (about 65 to 100 feet) into the air as well as a moderate-sized ash cloud. The volcanic island rises from deep waters of the southern Red Sea, north of the Az Zubair archipelago.

The eruption in Yemen follows after a volcano in nearby Eritrea erupted in June of this year, after thousands of years of being dormant. The ash cloud from that erupting volcano temporarily disrupted air traffic across parts of the Middle East and Europe.


(Sperm) Bank Foreclosure: FDA Orders Man to Shut Down DNA Factory

"Sperm used to be free. It was all over the place." Blanche Devereaux, The Golden Girls

The Federal Drug Administration has cracked down on a San Francisco man who opened up his own online sperm depository and sold his samples to couples unable to conceive. 37-year-old Trent Arsenault, claims that he has helped at least 14 couples to become pregnant over the past few years.

The youthful-looking tech worker did however fail to mention one tiny detail to all of his prospective clients: He records himself "extracting" his DNA samples and posts the amateur porn videos online for the world to see on sites such as XTube.  He's also very creative in his use of helpful aids to "bring forth his seed", using interesting objects such as a water polo ball and a frozen bag of blueberries to "spank his monkey".

Arsenault claims part of his goal was to "help the 99 percent who can't afford to visit an expensive sperm bank", taking his cue from the Occupy Wall Street zeitgeist. Arsenault is dedicated to his profession, drinking only healthy, sperm-inducing fresh fruit smoothies for breakfast to help boost his little swimmers count.


Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Puppy Love: Video of Puppies Destroying Presents is Christmas Hit

"On the 11th Day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, eleven Golden Retriever Pups..."


What could be cuter than loads of puppies popping out of beautifully wrapped presents beneath a sparkling Christmas tree? Answer: Not much!

Check out this beyond-cute holiday video featuring the most adorable little puppies that you've ever seen, merrily destroying perfectly wrapped presents in the cutest way possible. If this video doesn't warm your heart or put a big, cheesy grin on your face, you truly are the Grinch of Christmas Past, Ebenezer...




Rosebud: Orson Welles' Oscar Sells for $900,000


The Oscar trophy that was awarded to actor and director Orson Welles was sold at auction today, fetching almost $900,000.

The award was presented to the super-talented Welles for Best Original Screenplay in 1941 for the classic film Citizen Kane, widely regarded by critics as the greatest movie of all time. Welles was only twenty-five-years-old when he achieved amazing success with his very first feature film, which was loosely based on the life and exploits of multi-millionaire publisher William Randolph Hearst. The powerful tycoon refused to mention the film in any of his newspapers around the world and successfully managed to blacklist the actor, which harmed his career for many decades.

The Academy of Motion Pictures has always frowned upon anyone selling their award, and fought to ensure that Welles' Oscar was not sold. However, a judge ruled in 2004 that Welles had never signed the Academy's stringent agreement never to sell the trophy, which allowed for today's sale to take place. The auction house responsible for the sale declined to reveal any more information about who purchased the trophy.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Hot New Artist: Check Out Lana Del Ray's Haunting "Born to Die"


If you haven't had an opportunity to check out super-cool new artist Lana Del Ray's music, there is no time like the present. The über-talented 25-year-old American singer is an amazing cross between Lady GaGa, Jessie J, Adele and Florence Welch!  The hot new video for her single "Born to Die" features the beautiful and sexy Lana living in a Dystopian world and involved in some rather heavy petting with her heavily-tattooed male love interest. You can check out Lana's incredibly sultry voice and thought-provoking lyrics as well as the sensuously-filmed video to "Born to Die" on YouTube below:


Monday, December 19, 2011

I Eat Cannibals: Dutch Game Show Contestants Turn Cannibal for €€€

"I don't have to eat your liver with a nice Chianti, but it does bring out the flavor."

Contestants on a Dutch game show are taking a cue from Silence of the Lamb baddie Hannibal Lecter by turning themselves into cannibals for the love of money!

Two male contestants on the game show Proefkonijnen (Guinea Pig) had surgery to remove muscle and tissue from their buttocks and abdomen so that the samples could be fried up and served to the other contestant. Dennis Storm and Valerio Zeno both ate the disgusting piece of meat in front of a live audience for an opportunity to win big bucks. Neither contestant would say how the others' fleshy hor d'oeuvres  tasted, which they ate without any sort of seasoning or condiment! The nauseating episode of the show will air soon in the Netherlands.


Lawyers for the show insist that there was nothing illegal about the outrageous stunt as cannibalism is not expressly against the law, although the television producers and presenter could run into legal difficulties. The show also insists that there is no danger in consuming human meat, as long as it is properly cooked. We'll make sure to consult our Betty Crocker's Guide to Cannibal Cooking to make sure we're preparing it properly in the future...



Rudolph in a Can? Department Store Under Fire for Selling Canned Reindeer Meat

High-end English department store Harvey Nichols has come under fire from animal rights activists for selling reindeer meat pate in a can. The product, which retails for $30, is described on the label as an "Arctic Delicacy", an "Indulgent Winter Treat" and a "Farm Raised Relative of Rudolph".

Animal rights groups are calling for the product to be removed from store shelves, claiming it exploits the killing and abuse of wild animals. The product, which is also available for purchase on Amazon.com, is produced and sold by a London-based company called Edible. The meat is said to be produced from Swedish Arctic reindeer and is cured in cognac and spices. Edible claims on their website that the meat is "delicious served on hot, buttered toast and with a glass of brandy."  Constance Cooper, a spokesperson from Harvey Nichols, says "Our online stock has sold out due to the publicity and demand we've received. It's a seasonal product and stocks are limited so we will not be restocking prior to Christmas."


Activist group Vegetarians International Voice for Animals today urged Harvey Nichols to ban the product from its shelves. In a letter to the store, they wrote: "I understand that the reindeer meat you sell claims to be from farmed animals, this... raises concerns – as farming methods are likely to cause huge amounts of stress to animals used to relatively free range over wide areas."

The exclusive department store's Knightsbridge location announced it had already sold out of its stock of the canned reindeer meat and the product had also been removed from their online website as of today. 

Sunday, December 18, 2011

This Wheel's On Fire: Ab Fab's Patsy & Edina Dis the Kardashians





Yes, they're back! Those chain-smoking, vodka swilling, shopping-obsessed babes of Absolutely Fabulous have returned, just in time to give us their indelible take on the current state of the world!

The legendary divas Patsy Stone and Edina Monsoon haven't missed a beat since the series left the air in 2003, as they tell Edina's poor, put-upon daughter Saffron what they think about those lovely social leeches that are known as The Kardashians in an exclusive teaser clip of the show's upcoming return. Original stars Jennifer Saunders and Joanne Lumley reprise the roles that made them international superstar comediennes, and they still have that viper's bite when it comes to putting people down!

So, if you haven't used that handy app that De-Kardashians Your Life, break out a prescription for Valtrex and you can watch the Stoli Sisters rake the fake world of The Kardashians over a pit of red-hot coals!





Targets: Egyptian Army Forces Brutally Beat Female Protesters

A female protester is savagely beaten and kicked in the head by Army soldiers in Cairo, Egypt

Egyptian Army forces battling the continuing discontent throughout the nation have sunk to depraved new lows by targeting  female protesters and brutally beating them.

Shocking photographs have come out of the most recent unrest in Cairo, where a revolution began in earnest in January of this year and successfully managed to oust longtime Egyptian president Hosni Mubarak. The unrest has continued unabated, however, with large crowds of protesters gathering in Cairo's enormous Tahrir Square, in the center of the city. One woman is shown being relentlessly beaten by a group of ten Egyptian Army soldiers, knocking her to the ground before one man kicks her directly in the head with his heavy boot. The crazed soldiers also rip the woman's blouse off, exposing her bra, in an obvious attempt to publicly shame her in the strict, Muslim nation.


This is just one of the hundreds of shameful and disgusting injustices seen in Cairo's Tahrir Square after the military took a dramatically brutal hand on Saturday to crush all protests against its tyrannical rule.  Women have traditionally been the minority during the protests, as the chaos of revolution grips the entire nation. Now, more women are stepping out and bravely taking part in a struggle for freedom and truth that is currently playing out across practically every continent on the planet. Footage of gangs of army soldiers singling out women protesters in Egypt as well as Bahrain has erupted across the Internet, causing outrage throughout the world and condemnation from many governments.

Let It Snow: Google's Winter Wonderland Surprise a Christmas Hit



Google has given everyone an early Christmas present this year with one of their famous Google Doodles! If you type in the popular holiday phrase "Let It Snow" into the search engine giant, snowflakes begin to fall down the page. Of course, then a blizzard starts to fall and you quickly won't be able to see the screen to find the item that you were searching for, but you will be so bedazzled and Ooohing and Ahhhing over the holiday cheer, you'll forget all about it!

Don't worry, the geniuses over at Google added a "Defrost" button at the top of the screen to help you scrape away the ice and snow, and it's much easier than doing the same to your car's windshield on a bitingly cold and frosty morning!

Here's some Christmas music sung by the irreplaceable Andy Williams, just to get you into the Google Spirit!


Killer Storm Leaves at Least 540 Dead, Thousands More Missing in the Philippines

Photo Credit: Associated Press

One of the worst typhoons in decades slashed a devastating path across the Philippines over the weekend, leaving death and catastrophic destruction in its horrific wake.

Reports coming out of the Asian nation say that at least 540 deaths from the killer storm have been confirmed, with thousands more people still missing. Typhoon Washi, with winds gusting up to 90 miles per hour, hit the island of Mindanao late on Friday, bringing torrential rain that also grounded many domestic flights and left wide areas without electricity and other essential services.The heavy rains also triggered flash floods and deadly landslides, which swept away entire villages, leaving automobiles, homes and buildings that withstood the powerful onslaught in several feet of mud and standing water. 


The worst hit area of the country were the cities of Iligan and Cagayan de Oro, where homes were swept into the sea with their residents still trapped inside. Rescue crews and local residents made desperate and dramatic attempts to save individuals caught in the maelstrom, pulling  people out of collapsed buildings and rushing streams of water. A large majority of the missing and dead are feared to be young children, unable to fight the quick-moving waters to reach safety.


UK and US embassies were urging their citizens to avoid non-essential travel in the Philippines due to the disaster, as both governments pledge to send money and relief to help people living in the area.





Home Run Strike Out: Baseball's Derek Jeter Recycles Gifts (And Groupies)

"Trust me, my mind is NEVER on baseball when I'm on the field...it's on that hot blonde up in the stands..."

New York Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter has apparently banged so many women that he can't even remember them after he meets up with them again for another round of sleazy outfield hanky panky!

The serial womanizer, 37, recently broke up with gorgeous actress Minka Kelly, with the press and fans alike speculating that the athlete, who has been nicknamed Mr. Herpes by people in the know, was up to his old dirty dog womanizing behavior.

Seems the baseball great has a habit of taking his conquests back to his luxurious New York City apartment and after using them, he tosses them out like a used Kleenex by having a car waiting outside on the street to take them home, complete with a gift basket usually containing a signed baseball, his eloquent way of saying "Thanks for the shag, babe."

Problem is, Jeter has pulled this little trick on so many women that he can't even remember when he's already taken a woman back to his pad. Apparently, he met a woman, took her home and pulled his patented "Wham Bam Thank You Ma'am" on her, not realizing he had already pulled the same trick on her before! He even gave her the same gift basket! Looks as if Jeter is in a desperate attempt to break the epic sex record set by basketball great Wilt Chamberlain, who claimed he had slept with over 10,000 women in his lifetime.

Batter up!!!

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Honey of an "O": Hackers Turn Breakfast Cereal Website Explicit



Hackers decided to have a bit of fun with General Mills' breakfast staple Honey & Nut Cheerios by writing some not-so-family friendly messages and posting some naughty graphics on the cereal's official website!

According to the cereal giant, the kiddie favorite's website was hacked by pranksters who wrote the word "Sex" on the Honey Defender web game– which allows children to make their own Cheerios-themed comics while visiting the site. The hackers also decided to add some graphics to the page featuring the cereal's longtime commercial mascot Buzz the Honey Bee involved in some rather indiscreet activities.

The offending words and images were promptly removed from the website, but not before some screen shots of the comical episode were snapped so that the hackers can live on in infamy...



Adele Vs. The Smog Monster: Songbird to Leave London Over Fears That Pollution Is Harming Her Voice



Superstar singer Adele is currently searching for properties to buy outside of London after specialists and doctors suggested leaving the city for fear the metropolis' high air pollution levels would damage her voice. The 23-year-old is said to be looking at properties in the area of West Sussex, located some 40 miles from London. The British capital is known locally by the nickname The Big Smoke.

The singer is still recovering from delicate throat surgery for a hemorrhaged vocal cord performed last month in Boston by Steven Tyler's doctor. She was forced to cancel the rest of her US tour, after having rescheduled many of the dates from a previous cancellation due to health and voice problems. She is reportedly desperate to be well enough to perform on the upcoming Grammy Awards ceremony, where she is nominated for a host of awards, as her 21 album becomes the top selling recording of 2011 in the United States. Her single "Rolling in the Deep" also claims the Number One song of the year honor in both the UK and US.


The singer plans to keep her £3 million London estate, and is said to be looking at properties in the £2-3 million price range in West Sussex and the surrounding area. Ironically, Adele mentioned London's air quality problem in her debut hit "Chasing Pavements" with the line, "I like it in the city when the air is so thick and opaque." 


If it's damaging your voice, it's not so great, sweetheart...




Am I Blue? Spanish Town Votes to Stay Blue After Smurf Movie Premiere



A lovely town in Spain that was painted a Smurfy shade of blue as a publicity stunt for the live action/cartoon film this year looks as if it will stay the lovely color as residents vote in a special referendum.

The Andalusian village of Juzcar near the resort town of Malaga was painted the precious hue six months ago to promote the European release of the big screen version of classic cartoon The Smurfs starring How I Met Your Mother actor Neil Patrick Harris. Sony Pictures, who made the film, promised to repaint the quaint Spanish village back to its original "pueblo blanco" white color after the European premiere. However, the town quickly became a tourist Mecca, with more than 100,000 tourists flocking to the Smurftasticly cute hamlet to take photographs in the past six months, boosting the local economy.

Now, a special referendum has been ordered where the town's citizens will vote to decide to keep the new color. They will vote on the measure tomorrow. The mayor of Juzcar, David Fernandez, whom locals have dubbed Papa Smurf, says, "We want the residents to decide the future of the town. There are lots of benefits being had from being blue. It has boosted our local economy, our happiness, our dreams, our work and our employment prospects, and we are also known across the whole of the world."


Just don't let that evil wizard Gargamel find out where your town is located...


La La La La La La La La La La La...






Friday, December 16, 2011

Whoopi Cushion: Goldberg Passes Gas Live on The View

"I won an Oscar for Ghost and am a co-host of popular talk show The View! I also am a cheap form of entertainment..."


Whoopi Goldberg created quite the stink while interviewing Claire Danes live on the ABC chat-fest The View when she let one rip for the world to hear!

Goldberg proved what puts the Whoopi in her name when she passed gas and immediately admitted to it by daintily confessing, "Excuse me, I think I just blew a little frog outta there!" Her fellow co-hosts, Sherri Shepard, Joy Behar and Elisabeth Hasselbeck looked on in a combination of bemusement...and disgust! Even elegant and beautiful Homeland star Claire had to laugh at Gasbag Goldberg's gaffe. 

The 56-year-old Oscar winning actress admitted during an appearance by Dr. Oz on the show earlier in the year that she consistently passes gas while on the daytime series, which thoroughly disgusted Madame Priss Barbara Walters! And her gassy moments live on-the-air have been well-documented over the past few years!


You can check out the clip of Whoopi's shining The View moment on YouTube below:








The One That Didn't Get Away: Katy Perry Ties Janet Jackson & George Michael Musical Record



It has indeed been a very good year for Pop Tart Katy Perry! Not only has she recently celebrated her 1st anniversary with hubby Russell Brand, she's also tied a Billboard record shared by two of the biggest superstars in the music industry, Janet Jackson and George Michael.

Perry's latest smash hit song  "The One That Got Away" has become the 6th Top 5 Billboard hit from her multimillion copy selling CD Teenage Dream, which ties the previous record. George Michael accomplished the feat in 1987-1989 with hits from his top selling Faith album, while JJ did so in 1989-1991, with a long succession of hits from her Grammy-winning Rhythm Nation 1814 album.

So, it's been over twenty years since an artist has achieved the rarefied status of Six Top 5 hits from one album, which is very impressive. With two more weeks left in the year, is it possible that Perry's "The One That Got Away" will hit Number One on the charts (it's currently sitting at Number Four), breaking another record? The song is currently available of .88 cents on iTunes, so it's a pretty good bet that it will reach Number One...




Thursday, December 15, 2011

K-FBOMB Evening News: Producer's Profanity-Laced Freak-Out Broadcast on Live News

"I'm mad as Hell, and I'm not going to take it anymore..."


A news producer for a local CBS affiliate in Idaho had a Network style melt-down during a live telecast of the evening news, and his profanity-laced diatribe was broadcast live to stunned viewers.

KBOI-TV Channel  28 out of Boise, Idaho, was experiencing a mild case of technical glitches involving on-screen graphics during a routine story about a form of bacteria being spread among cattle throughout the Western state. As the anchor begins the story, the producer can be faintly heard saying, "What the hell did you do there? Not you, her." 


When an odd, empty graphic suddenly appears on the screen, the producer promptly goes into melt-down mode, screaming, "What the #@&% is that?" not realizing his obscenity was being broadcast live out to the audience!


As the camera cuts back to anchor Stephanie Smith to introduce the next news segment, her voice suddenly cuts out and the weird, empty graphic reappears on the screen, angering the producer even more. "Are you #@&%-ing kidding me?" he exclaims loudly. "Where's my damn graphic?"


Clips of the on-screen freak-out quickly landed onto YouTube, and the video has become a viral hit, with over forty-thousand views in less than a week. KBOI apologized to the show's audience for the embarrassing gaffe on Monday.









Facebook Makes Us :( Says Author

"Knowing that all my Facebook friends live a more exciting & fulfilled life than me makes me :(..."

Social media juggernaut Facebook has completely changed the way people all around the world communicate with one another, but the change isn't all good, claims author Daniel Gulati, who blogs for the Harvard Business Review.

Gulati asserts that while recent, controversial changes to Facebook are geared toward making members share more information about their daily lives, this is actually causing people to feel more depressed about their own lives by making everyone else's lives seem more interesting and happy! “Facebook is bringing down a lot of people’s daily sense of well-being," says Gulati.

The author claims that Facebook is leading to a loss of productivity in the work environment, with millions updating their status while on the clock. It can also negatively impact close relationships, while inspiring jealousy and bitterness.

“Meeting up in person, you get a much richer connection versus a video chat or a text-based chat.  It’s cannibalizing the offline interaction. That’s what’s worrying to me — the future prospect of Facebook conversations and video calls as opposed to meeting up at the local coffee shop.” Although Gulati doesn't advocate deleting your Facebook profile, he does suggest limiting the amount of time you spend on the site by selecting one day a week to avoid visiting the social media site completely. He also suggests deleting Facebook applications from mobile devices to avoid the constant temptation of checking the site, as well as pruning your list of friends of people with whom you rarely have any contact.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Falling from the Sky: Thousands of Birds Die After Mistaking Wal-Mart Parking Lot for Lake



Thousands of migratory birds near St. George, Utah, are injured or dead after apparently mistaking a Wal-Mart parking lot as well as football fields for bodies of water and plummeting to the ground. One state wildlife expert is calling it the worst downing she's ever witnessed, after crews and volunteers were called in to help with the massive clean-up.

By mid-afternoon on Wednesday, crews had managed to rescue several thousand of the hapless birds, but were unable to save thousands more who died from their traumatic injuries. "They're just everywhere," said Teresa Griffin, wildlife program manager for the Utah Division of Wildlife Resource's southern region. "It's been nonstop. All our employees are driving around picking them up, and we've got so many people coming to our office and dropping them off."

Government officials say stormy conditions probably confused the flock of grebes, a duck-like aquatic bird as they began migrating to Mexico for the winter. The birds tried to land in a Cedar City Wal-Mart parking lot and elsewhere, but thousands smashed into the concrete lot, suffering tremendous injuries.

Around the same time last year, thousands of incidents of birds falling dead from the sky were reported from all around the world, for which an official explanation has never been offered. 

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